Karoline Leavitt Shocks Press Corps with Scooby-Doo-esque Revelation
The White House Press Corps was stunned today when an agitated Karoline Leavitt, White House Press Secretary, began trembling when asked a barrage of questions about Trump’s relationship with pedophile…
GOP Awards Chuck Schumer Coveted U.S. Senate Participation Trophy
Chuck Schumer (D-NY) received the prestigious U.S. Senate Participation Trophy from Senate Republicans for his efforts in helping the GOP avoid accountability for the government shutdown and their disastrous political…
Kim Jong Un Becomes U.S. Citizen with Trump Gold Card Program
“Now I can hang out with Dennis Rodman all the time,” said Kim Jong Un, an entourage of North Korean military officials following him on a tour of a new…
Cuban MAGA Voters Excited to Live in Dictatorship They Fled
The streets of Miami-Dade County in Southeast Florida have been buzzing with euphoria as Cuban-American MAGA supporters celebrate the rise of Trump’s authoritarian regime. Many Cuban Americans in this area…
Jeeter Stevens, South Dakota Soybean Farmer, Wins Welfare Queen Contest
Jeeter Stevens, a 47-year-old soybean farmer in Vermillion, South Dakota, won—for the third time—the prestigious Donald Trump Welfare Queen Contest, having amassed $1.4 million in U.S. taxpayer money for growing…
Trump Blames Biden for 2028 Economic Depression
“The upcoming totally and absolutely horrible global depression of 2028 will be completely Joe Biden’s fault,” President Trump said from his Mar-a-Lago office, moisturizing his face with a handful of…
Trump Voters Excited to Receive Bonus Checks from China Tariffs
“Trump’s tariffs are going to make them Chinese people pay,” said Misty Muffoon, cradling her newborn grandson, a cigarette tucked into the corner of her mouth. “Ain’t no one gonna…
Pres. Trump Signs Mass Shooting Bill, Touts “Ratings Bonanza”
“There is nothing we can do about mass shootings, so to save time in the future I’m excited to announce that today I officially signed a bill that sends my…
Dr. Oz: Trump Developing Taste for Human Flesh
“President Trump is now 72 percent decomposed zombie material, especially his arms, anus, and legs,” Dr. Oz explained during a recent congressional hearing. “His team has really worked miracles concealing…
Trump Taps Ghislaine Maxwell to Lead Girl Scouts of America
Following the release of emails directly linking President Trump to Jeffrey Epstein and his pedophile ring, FBI Director Kash Patel revealed that convicted sex offender Ghislaine Maxwell has been granted…
ICE Revives Confederate Battle Plan for Civil War with Blue States
“The Civil War never ended for the South,” explained Kristi Noem, DHS Secretary and dog sushi enthusiast. “That’s why we’re giving ICE $45 million in US taxpayer money–no, sorry, that’s…
Hegseth: Torturing Small Animals Now Part of Basic Training
After lecturing the U.S. military’s top brass about the “warrior ethos” and teaching them the nuances of lethality, a proactive fighting mentality, and the importance of one’s cosmetic appearance, Pete…
Trump’s BB Bill Claims Poor People Qualify for Pet Insurance
President Donald Trump praised his Big Beautiful Bill at a recent Mar-a-Lago fundraiser where despots from around the globe paid $250,000 a plate to dine with Trump and network with…
Joe Rogan Interview with Hitler’s Spirit Goes Viral
“I really kind of liked Hitler,” said Joe Rogan, taking a sip of his fortified chipmunk smoothie. “I know that’ll piss a lot of people off. But that’s their problem.…
USMNT Excited to Represent FIFA Fascism at 2026 World Cup
According to recent Wall Street Journal economic data, the only global entity more corrupt than Washington, D.C., today is FIFA, whose leader, Giovanni Vincenzo Infantino, is a devoted Trump sycophant.…