“My passion for hunting started when I tortured small animals as a kid,” said Pete Hegseth, Fox propagandist, Nazi enthusiast (a.k.a. Christian nationalist), and Trump’s pick for U.S. Defense Secretary. “Anyone who hunts know we wear blaze orange so we don’t accidentally shoot each other while out in field. Blaze orange is a low-tech and affordable solution to one of war’s most pressing and unfortunate situations: deaths caused by friendly fire.”
“This new uniform for our soldiers in the U.S. Army will save countless American lives,” explained Hegseth, taking a break from a swim in a local sewer to rub sun block over his Nazi tattoos.
“Whether the combat theater is in the desert, the jungle, or urban warfare, our men — and, yes, men only because women aren’t real people — can easily identify each other, thus preventing tragic deaths from friendly fire mistakes. I’m also encouraging our special forces to integrate blaze orange into their uniforms.”
More on Trump’s Cabinet.
Political Americans is a satirical publication. All articles are parody and should not be taken as factual reporting.
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[…] warrior mentality demands discipline and excellence,” Hegseth continued, “and the torture of small animals builds both the discipline of losing one’s morality […]