“We’re going to colonize Mars just like we colonized America–by enslaving certain races of human beings to do the grueling work that white people don’t want to do,” said Elon Musk, Vice President of the United States.
“Look at all the benefits that slavery has afforded the United States,” Musk continued, ignoring a phone call from one of his twelve children. “We were able to leapfrog centuries into the future by having black people harvest our crops, build our infrastructure, and cook our meals. Mars offers us the perfect opportunity to replicate that golden age in American history.”
“We’re giving black people black jobs again,” proclaimed Donald Trump. “Our plan to empty the jails and prisons across America of all black people and have them work as slaves on Mars is a win-win economic policy for everyone.
“Of course,” Trump elaborated, reaching into his pants to straighten his diaper, “we’ll pay the slave owners handsomely because, let’s face it, whipping people into a proper work ethic is a tough job. But I’m confident that white people in America are up to the challenge. We’re not only making America great again, we’re making Mars great, too!”