“I really kind of liked Hitler,” said Joe Rogan, taking a sip of his fortified chipmunk smoothie. “I know that’ll piss a lot of people off. But that’s their problem. Weak times make weak people. Hitler was very candid about the need for strong men in our society. That’s probably why the interview had 3.5 million listeners across America, most of them UFC fans.”
“He felt very genuine,” said Theresa Caputo, star of the popular show Long Island Medium and designated host vessel for Adolf Hitler’s spirit. “When Hitler entered my body and began communicating through me, I could taste poison gas in my mouth. It was weird, but also a little sexy.”
“Americans today are too woke!” shouted Adolf Hitler, as Theresa Caputo flailed her arms and violently shook her birds-nest hairdo back and forth. “Instead of pursing purity of mind and character through ethnic cleansing and sterilization, Americans want affordable healthcare, racial equality, and equitable economic prosperity. Non-white people simply are not capable of enjoying these kinds of things. And that level of polluted DNA in America will be the demise of white democracy for the U.S.”
