“We partnered with the best of the best,” said Kim Jong-un, the supreme leader of North Korea and U.S. basketball fanboy.
“Fox News has enjoyed unbridled success in brainwashing Americans, making them violently angry and paranoid by capitalizing on their sense of entitlement, misdirected anger, and innate racism—which propelled Donald Trump to the highest leadership position in America. Any dictator would fall in love with Fox News’ portfolio of work. This collaboration was a no-brainer. And Norway was such a gracious host. Oslo is beautiful this time of year if you know where to go.”
“I gotta admit,” said Sean Hannity, fake Fox News reporter and closet skeleton, “I was a little starstruck meeting Kim Jong-un for the first time. But Kimmy—that’s what I call him now, because we’re great friends—has had tremendous success in not only continuing the brainwashing system implemented by his father, but also in experimenting with new and innovative ways to brainwash new generations of North Koreans. We at Fox News think we can use those new techniques on a new generation of Americans. And it’s already working.”
“The audience data we secretly collected—with the help of Facebook and TicTok—from both the online and in-person audience has been very enlightening. It turns out the same factors—white people feeling threatened and victimized by their own system, racial strife and paranoia, sweeping misinformation campaigns, and a media-illiterate population that lacks critical thinking skills—could once again thrust Donald Trump into the presidency in 2024. As long as the GOP takes care of the voter suppression and radical gerrymandering part of this, we at Fox News can take care of the rest.”
Cover Photo credit: Johnny Silvercloud)
(Kim Jung-un photo credit: Janne Wittoeck)
(Sean Hannity photo credit: Gage Skidmore)