President Musk Announces Mandatory White Studies Course for Higher Education

President In Ipsa Re Elon Musk, fresh off of making a Nazi salute that scored a solid 8.7 with Proud Boy judges, has proposed mandatory White Studies writing courses for incoming freshman at US Colleges and Universities.

The innovative curriculum includes “Introduction to White Awesomeness,” subheaded, “Technically We Mean White Male Awesomeness (but We’ll Let the White Ladies Delude Themselves That They’re Included, Too).” The class objective is to establish that White Men are the bomb. So far, Mel Gibson, Joe Rogan, and Jake Paul have volunteered to teach online versions of the class.

When asked why the classes would replace traditional Writing Workshops and other introduction to essay writing courses, President Musk replied, “Who needs words these days? I make all my major statements in emoji. When we colonize Mars, all communication will be through emojis.”

Students who excel in the courses can opt to pursue a full major in White Studies, which will focus on notable themes in white history and offer a choice of 3-credit social labs, “Hitler Isn’t the Only Guy Who Struggled: How White Men Became the Most Discriminated-Against Group in America,” “Bland is Grand: A History of White Cuisine,” and, “Natural SPF: How Skin Tone Protects White People During Police Encounters.” 

The freshman-level course will be mandatory for all college attendees, because, as President Musk explained, “We’re just teaching young people how the world really works. It’s important they know it is counterproductive to question their lives or try to make society better for anyone who isn’t White — and male, but we say that part softer. Higher education is super woke and we gotta keep the Karens on our side.”

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