“This shit is crazy,” said young Tammy Kemp, tossing her Dora the Explorer coloring book onto the carpet. “This Trump asshole is fucking up our democracy and replacing it with full-blown Nazi-level fascism and no one is doing a fucking thing about this messy ass shit of a country. The adults in America can go fuck themselves.”
“Of course we’re concerned about her mental health,” said Nancy Kemp, Tammy’s mother, washing down an edible with a glass of white wine. “What five-year old writes a 37-page manifesto about the fall of America and the destruction of freedom? But lets’ face it. All this gaslighting from Trump and his vile cronies is an assault on the well-being of our entire nation–and the world. I’m losing my shit, too. Who with a brain and a heart isn’t infuriated by this bigoted grifter and his cult of fascists?”
“Honestly, I don’t blame my daughter for being so traumatized,” said Allen Kemp. “America is officially a very scary, fascist state. And the world knows it. But as a father, shit, just listen to her. She’s got the vocabulary and attitude of a 60-year-old long-haul trucker. As a dad I hate to admit that I’m impressed with her maturity. Kids today are certainly growing up faster than we did. I guess you have to when you’re living in a lawless nation of lies.”
When told that her father was proud of her maturity and working sophistication of such complex matters, Tammy explained, “Oh they can all fuck off. This shit isn’t complex. Racism is bad. Fascism is bad. Corruption is bad. None of this shit is complex or difficult to understand. Americans just suck. Full stop. That’s it. My parents and all the adults in America can suck it. They’re as weak as Merrick Garland and as feckless as the entire Democratic party. Jesus fucking christ has anyone seen my box of crayons?”
