According to recent Wall Street Journal economic data, the only global entity more corrupt than Washington, D.C., today is FIFA, whose leader, Giovanni Vincenzo Infantino, is a devoted Trump sycophant. This friendly fascist dynamic may significantly change the upcoming World Cup in North America as these ghouls of a feather are weaponizing the world’s most popular sporting event.
As brown, black, yellow, and non-Christians around the world boycott World Cup events in the U.S.A. out of fear of being disappeared to black sites and buried alive in sand dunes or swamplands, Trump is doubling down on his fascist crackdown on educated areas—called cities—that subsidize malaria-ridden red states.
Some members of the USMNT agree with Trump’s corrupt bravado and swagger, and see key similarities. “Nothing represents the United States better than our team’s cocky swagger backed up by our consistently poor performance and indomitable sense of entitlement. President Trump is sort of a role model for me.” said Christian Pulisic, who plays winger for the United States Mens National Team and goes by the nickname “Captain America.”
With the world watching in horror as Trump‘s brand of violent fascism sweeps across America, creating constitutional chaos, destroying democratic institutions, ICE beating then disappearing innocent people, and attacking faithful allies across the globe, the USMNT is set to represent America on an international stage.
“We’re seriously psyched,” continued Pulisic. “I and the rest of the USMNT are super excited to be the face of MAGA America as we host the 2026 World Cup. Yes, some fans visiting from foreign countries will end up in Salvadorian prison camps or other black op sites, but for those who make it through ICE and security, well, we’re they’re going to get their money’s worth. Because at the end of the day, all sports is about money.” Pulisic then went on to do the Trump dance, signature moves that he unveiled last year after scoring against worldwide soccer powerhouse, Jamaica.
Excitement around the USMNT’s potential in America’s fascist era has not gone without controversy, however. Fans and even former coaches have lambasted the idea that a foreigner from Argentina, Mauricio Roberto Pochettino, is the head coach of the USMNT.
When pressed for his perspective on these xenophobic undertones impacting the America’s 2026 World Cup narrative, Pochettino said, “These types of distractions are all just noise. I understand. MAGA Americans are really, really passionate about being American. As I try to build a soccer culture in America, it’s important to remember that America itself was built by slaves for these same people. I’m getting paid pretty well, so I think that’s signifies tremendous progress for the U.S.”
Political Americans is a satirical publication. All articles are parody and should not be taken as factual reporting.
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