The White House Press Corps was stunned today when an agitated Karoline Leavitt, White House Press Secretary, began trembling when asked a barrage of questions about Trump’s relationship with pedophile sex trafficker Jeffery Epstein.
According to eye witnesses, Leavitt yanked off her gold crucifix necklace, threw it across the room, and shouted, “Enough of these fucking Epstein questions! Any idiot can see President Trump is a pedophile!”
Members of the press corps said Leavitt suddenly grabbed her neck with both hands, bent behind the podium, and emerged “wrestling with her own face” until yanking off a prosthetic mask, revealing she has been Steve Bannon throughout her entire tenure at the position.
“I fucking knew it,” said Kaitlan Collins, CNN news anchor. “The way she always looked a little jittery and hungover and angry at us for asking questions. Karoline was just always arrogant and gave off major Steve Bannon vibes. It all makes sense now.”
“As journalists, I’m embarrassed we missed this,” said Ayesha Rascoe of The Washington Post. “Of course Leavitt’s constant lies and disdain for the truth align exactly with Steve Bannon’s nihilistic view of America and hatred for journalists. Especially those like the idealistic and naive NPR journalists who report on verified facts and credible sources.”
As Steve Bannon stood behind the podium, the Karoline Leavitt prosthetic mask gripped in his hand, reporters described a stench of whisky filling the room. They also noted that Peter Doocy of Fox News burst into laughter and gently clapped a few times as the shocking event unfolded.
“Of course I’ve known Steve was Karoline Leavitt the whole time,” said Doocy, smirking. “I mean who can look at that face and not think there is some type of Chad Powers situation going on? I can’t believe it worked for as long as it did. The gold crucifix necklace was actually Steve’s idea. But I knew it wouldn’t last forever. At the end of the day, Steve Bannon’s ego will not let him be anyone else but Steve Bannon.”
Political Americans is a satirical publication. All articles are parody and should not be taken as factual reporting.
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