CNN, MSNBC Win Media Darwin Awards
“We were drunk on ratings,” explained Rachel Maddow, cleaning her eyeglasses with a wet pillow case. “We just could not NOT talk about Donald Trump, making sure he was front…
My Pillow Founder Sighted Outside Mar-a-Lago Pleading for Cabinet Position
Mike Lindell, burdened by lawsuits related to his incessant false claims of voting machine conspiracies along with American consumers realizing his pillows kind of suck, has been seen prowling the…
Right Wing Trolls to Sue Bluesky Users for Ignoring Them
A planned class action lawsuit representing thousands of lonely men who live in their parents’ basements will be filed against people who post on the social media site Bluesky, many…
Speaker Mike Johnson Says Other Religions “Traumatizing” to Christians
Speaker Mike Johnson has proposed legislation barring mention of any faith besides Christianity, saying that the existence of other faiths is too traumatizing to American Christians and makes them feel…
Judge Aileen Cannon To Star in “Jury Duty” Season 2
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t super excited about this opportunity,” said U.S. District Court Judge Aileen Cannon. “I play a fake judge all of the time, so…
High Schools in Red States Launch Racist Student Exchange Program
“It’s so heartwarming to see a young racists from Germany make such great friends with young racists in Georgia,” said Larry Parker, Head Principal of Cordell Hills Prep School. “We’re…
Flashback: SNL Sean Spicer Press Conferences
Melissa McCarthy and SNL delivered the funny when many of us needed it the most. Enjoy these hilarious videos mocking Trump‘s White House Press Secretary—and Dancing with the Stars buffoon—Sean…
Progressively Drunk: Holiday Survival Kit for Liberals
For many of us, the holidays used to be our favorite time of the year. Not anymore. Holiday season is now a time to dread. An excruciating experience where we…
Republicans Elect Father Paul Hill as House Speaker
“This role isn’t very different from my last position,” said Father Paul Hill. “As a leader of that devoted conservative community, I became very familiar with the work of the…
Kyle Rittenhouse To Go As Murderer Next Halloween
“You know those assholes who go to Halloween costume parties but don’t dress up?” said Kyle Rittenhouse, a teenage vigilante who killed two people to win his mother’s love, “Well,…
Reps. MTG and Matt Gaetz Open Racist Cobra Kai Dojos
“I’m so freaking excited to be partnering with Matt Gaetz to open up franchises of racist Cobra Kai dojos across the South to prepare our youth for the next Civil…
Resurrected Pope Blesses George Bush Mural of Innocent Victims Killed in Iraq
“Mission almost accomplished,” joked the former President of the United States, adding the last few strokes to his 500-foot wall mural in Bushwick, Brooklyn. “Done,” he then exhaled, tossing the…