GOP Drops Oath Keepers, Seeks MS-13 for Next Insurrection
“The Oath Keepers turned out to be a bunch of losers,” explained Representative Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). “While they were dumb and desperate enough to take the fall for all of…
Murdoch: Fox News Acquires Russia Today Network for $15.2 Million
“These two media brands belong together,” said Rupert Murdoch, media tycoon and founder of News Corp, the parent company of Fox News. “Fox News and Russia Today are world-class leaders…
Ted Cruz Paid Illegal Immigrants to Cross U.S. Border
“They need jobs,” explained Ted Cruz, Republican Senator from Texas. “So why not pay them to be political actors in our constant barrage of ‘Biden Border Crisis’ propaganda? It’s a…
Rep. Jim Jordan Launches New Line of Sexy Wrestling Shoes
“Introducing PEDOs!” said Ohio Republican House Representative Jim Jordan. “I created the brand name myself based on, well, the word pedestrians, which has to do with the feet—in this case…
Mike Lindell Creates New “Smother Pillow” Line
“I wanted to find new ways to expand the use cases for the My Pillow line,” explained Michael “Mike” Lindell, founder of My Pillow and Man Who Berates Children Loitering…
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi Launches Own CryptoCurrency: Cakecoin
“I’ve always been interested in how my position of power can use innovative technologies to un-level the playing field so I can make more money,” said Nancy Pelosi, Democratic octogenarian…