Joe Rogan Interview with Hitler’s Spirit Goes Viral
“I really kind of liked Hitler,” said Joe Rogan, taking a sip of his fortified chipmunk smoothie. “I know that’ll piss a lot of people off. But that’s their problem.…
Trump Orders ICE to “Eliminate” Immigrants and Witches
“Immigrants and witches posses evil superpowers,” declared President Trump, angrily smashing a fleeing box turtle with his eight iron on a 3rd hole fairway at Bedminster Golf Club. “Did you…
Justice Thomas Agrees To Free His Nigerian Slaves After Negative Publicity
“Those Nigerian boys were a gift from a dear friend,” said Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, lighting a Cuban cigar on a Washington D.C. sidewalk, flicking the match at a…
Pete Hegseth Proposes New Uniforms for U.S. Army
“My passion for hunting started when I tortured small animals as a kid,” said Pete Hegseth, Fox propagandist, Nazi enthusiast (a.k.a. Christian nationalist), and Trump’s pick for U.S. Defense Secretary.…
DHS Accidentally Kidnaps, Deports Marco Rubio to El Salvador
“Little Marco is the name of a key MS-13 cell leader based in Miami,” said Kevin Bullock, ICE agent and proud middle school graduate of Newsbury Middle School. “We’d been…
JD Vance Sequel “Hillbilly Hitler” Wins Southern Literary Prize
“I couldn’t be prouder to win the DeSantis Prize for White Literature,” said Vice President JD Vance. “White people have been persecuted ever since the black slaves arrived in America.…
Trump Announces “Proud Boys To Men” Cover Band Residency at Kennedy Center
In response to being booed by drag queens while attending Les Mis, at the Kennedy Center, a visibly angry Donald Trump vowed to fill the storied venue with acts that…
President Musk Announces Mandatory White Studies Course for Higher Education
President In Ipsa Re Elon Musk, fresh off of making a Nazi salute that scored a solid 8.7 with Proud Boy judges, has proposed mandatory White Studies writing courses for…
Heritage Foundation Report: Price of Freedom is $1.05
Every generation of Americans asks itself the same question: What is the price of freedom? Over the centuries, those generations of Americans have responded with different answers as to what…
BETRAYAL: Immigrant Kash Patel Ruins America for Future Immigrants and Life Itself
“Nothing is more woke than the idea that all human beings are created equal,” said Kash Patel, whose Indian Gujarati parents–in a retrospective ironic twist–immigrated to Canada in the 1970s…
Carrie Underwood to Celebrate “3 Chords and the Douche” at Trump Bigotry Festival on Jan. 20
Carrie Underwood, or a reconstructed version of Carrie Underwood, will celebrate the storied history of racism in country music by performing at the Trump Bigotry Festival on January 20, which…
Elon Musk Promises Slave Labor on Mars by 2045
“We’re going to colonize Mars just like we colonized America–by enslaving certain races of human beings to do the grueling work that white people don’t want to do,” said Elon…
High Schools in Red States Launch Racist Student Exchange Program
“It’s so heartwarming to see a young racists from Germany make such great friends with young racists in Georgia,” said Larry Parker, Head Principal of Cordell Hills Prep School. “We’re…
Progressively Drunk: Holiday Survival Kit for Liberals
For many of us, the holidays used to be our favorite time of the year. Not anymore. Holiday season is now a time to dread. An excruciating experience where we…
GOP Courts Bill Cosby To Win Over Black Voters
“This is part of our Wakanda Strategy,” said Jeff Row, leading Republican strategist and founder of Axis Strategies. “We know that black people only go to black movies—like those Wakanda…