“It all began when Dancing with the Stars approached both me and my wife,” said U.S. Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas. “But we wouldn’t be able to actually dance with each other because Ginni has knee issues after spending so much time kneeling in front of the Trump shrine in our RV.”
“So,” Thomas continued, “then I thought ‘Hey, Ginni is doing all of this great work to organize insurrectionists and overthrow American democracy—why not do a reality show about her work and my efforts to support her in any way I can as a member of SCOTUS?”
“And so the idea for ‘Ginni In a Bottle’ was born,” said Ginni Thomas, pushing aside her husband’s arm while holding a moist rabbit’s foot. “As a proud member of the GOP and Donald Trump’s fascist agenda to destroy American democracy, I’m constantly coordinating communications, raising money, and denying my husband sex until he agrees to help our cause as a member of SCOTUS. As you can tell from the public record, I’ve made significant progress.”
“Given the high profile nature of my position in the U.S. Supreme Court,” said Justice Thomas, “I’ve sort of become the face of the Republican Party and Trump’s noble agenda to promote facsism.”
“Though I like getting credit for my work,” continued Thomas, pulling a can of bear spray from his robe and sucking a hit down his throat, “the real credit goes to Ginni’s creative vision. I think this new reality show will be an excellent platform for my wife to really shine and discuss topics like her Ashli Babbitt votive candle collection. And, of course, I’ll always be there to support her cause whenever she needs me. Move over The Apprentice, there is a new reality star in town!”
Political Americans is a satirical publication. All articles are parody and should not be taken as factual reporting.