“My job is to protect Israelis at all costs,” said Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister of Israel. “The Americans have given us billions of dollars and military weapons and countless bombs but, let’s face it, the whole world knows that Trump cant’ be trusted. They call him TACO for a good reason. America is friends with Saudi Arabia, which supports a Palestinian state, so we have to be prepared in this evolving political landscape.”
Our Political Americans foreign correspondent spent months digging into the workings of the Mossad, and discovered details of the Trump phone glitter bomb plan, which the agency has been focused on since the success of their exploding pagers campaign that injured thousands of Hezbollah operatives, inflicting a major psychological blow to the terrorist regime.
“We know MAGA Americans have long been terrorized by the gays and drag queens,” said an anonymous source with Mossad, who would only be addressed by his fake name, Bibi. “There is no better way to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies than by terrorizing them with colorful glitter–which we all know is nearly impossible to clean off your body and the surrounding environment. Seriously, these people will be finding glitter in their genitals and their carpets for months. The psychological damage will be devastating.”
Political Americans is a satirical publication. All articles are parody and should not be taken as factual reporting.