JD Vance demands ex-lover, Couch, get an abortion.JD Vance demands ex-lover, Couch, get an abortion.

A romantic date turned sour at an Applebees in Columbus, Ohio, as newly elected Vice President JD Vance and his Couch had a heated argument over whether or not the Couch should have an abortion. “JD clearly wanted nothing to do with the baby,” said Melody Murphy, the 22-year-old waitress.

“The Couch was crying hysterically,” explained Murphy, “when JD said he wished they had never met and that he always hated her family, which was part of a set purchased at Wayfair Furniture, the Couch threw water in his face.”

Neither JD Vance nor his Couch responded to our requests for an interview, asking only that we respect their right to choose during this difficult time. 

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