Jeeter Stevens, a 47-year-old soybean farmer in Vermillion, South Dakota, won—for the third time—the prestigious Donald Trump Welfare Queen Contest, having amassed $1.4 million in U.S. taxpayer money for growing crops that he cannot sell. “It’s a real honor,” Stevens said, “to represent millionaire farmers across America who voted for Trump knowing he’d pay us back in cash for our votes. I’m just proud to be associated with farmers across South Dakota, fellow soy boys, and red states who love socialism for Big Agra.”
The Donald Trump Welfare Queen Contest and Taxpayer Giveaway was initially launched in 2018 to protect wealthy farmers from going bankrupt as a result of Trump’s first tariff war with China. Over 2018 and 2019, USDA announced about $28 billion in total aid (direct payments and related support) for affected farmers. By late 2018, the USDA had sent about $6 billion in the first tranche (Sept–Dec 2018) and then about $4.5 billion in early 2019. Socialist Senator John Thune on North Dakota has championed the taxpayer handout initiative since Trump’s first administration.
Jeeter Stevens first won the coveted welfare queen crown in 2018 for receiving $908,564.32 in taxpayer giveaways. “That was a magical year for me and my family,” he explained. But Stevens, competitive by nature, entered the popular contest for the second time in 2019 and won $1,105,234.00 in taxpayer freebies. “Every year the cost of our votes for Trump go up, because of Trump’s chaotic economic policies, which is great for middle American farmers who want to get rich for producing nothing of value.”
Those inflationary factors will continue to rise throughout 2025 and 2026. Jeeeter elaborates, “Now that China is not buying any of our crops—seriously, zero percent because they found new suppliers in South America—I knew this year would be more competitive with farmers everywhere begging for handouts. Almost every farmer in America is looking for a bailout, so President Trump needs to step up his socialist agenda if he wants to keep us Republican. If we’re going to continue growing crops we can’t sell, America needs to pay us like we’re military contractors. We’re not stupid. We know the money is there. We just want what we’re owed.”
Editorial Note:
Thank you to Tim Miller at The Bulwark, for the inspiration for this piece:
Political Americans is a satirical publication. All articles are parody and should not be taken as factual reporting.
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