“I don’t get this fascination with Sabrina Carpenter,” said Cameo gig worker and Trump’s former nominee for U.S. Attorney General, Matt Gaetz. “Sabrina is way, way too old to be sexy for my own personal sexual preferences—and for many of those I know in the Republican party. By, like, 25 years, to be honest. The way she forms complete sentences and can drive a car by herself are totally off putting, to be honest. These woke women are gross.”
“When Jim Jordan and I hang with Roger Stone and the rest of our ‘Screw Crew’, we target an entirely different demographic of women. You know,” Gaetz continued, wiping saliva on his sleeve, “the type of women who have handlers that accept Venmo. As former Congressman and Trump nominee for the Attorney General of the United States, I’ll continue to fight to ensure young women everywhere have no rights to get guys like me in trouble. It’s the American way. It’s Trump’s America now!”