“I wanted to find new ways to expand the use cases for the My Pillow line,” explained Michael “Mike” Lindell, founder of My Pillow and Man Who Berates Children Loitering at Adult Swim.
“I can’t think of a better venue to announce the Smother Pillow 7 than at the conservative CPAC conference here in Orlando, Florida—America’s cocaine gateway and breeding ground for Florida Man,” said Lindell.
According to its product description, the new line of murder pillows features a revolutionary synthetic extra-liner technology that allows the user to suffocate the liberal—or any person you don’t want to wake up—in the bed next to them in less than 7 minutes.
“Remember, it’s not just another pillow,” Lindell added, “it’s the Smother Pillow. The Smother Pillow 7.”
(Cover Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore)