“I’m so freaking excited to be partnering with Matt Gaetz to open up franchises of racist Cobra Kai dojos across the South to prepare our youth for the next Civil War,” said Marjorie Taylor Greene, Republican conspiracy theorists and COVID-19 death merchant.
“We’re recruiting and training hundreds of angry and unloved white children who are natural bullies and who will fight to the end to feel some sense of purpose in life,” said MTG.
“Our goal,” added Gaetz, GOP Subway Jared and Epstein Airlines volunteer pilot, “is to train the South’s strongest, most hateful, and emotionally vulnerable young people and then shuttle them around the South in our new Cobra Kai vans to beat the shit out of people of color and unsuspecting liberals.”
“That way,” Gaetz continued, “when the next Civil War starts, those young racist adults will know how to strike first, strike hard, and show no mercy. The Cobra Kai way has always been the Real American way. The White America Way.”
(Photos credit: Gage Skidmore)