“It all comes together,” said RFK Jr., dipping a piece of whale sashimi into soy sauce, “the political assassinations, the plane crashes, the tragic drunk driving accidents. The whole thing. All of it! We’re Irish. Leprechauns are Irish. Don’t you fucking get it?”
“The leprechauns are after my family. They’re mad we left Ireland. Like, really pissed. And with all of those magical powers they have, they have sought vengeance on me and my family for generations. As President Trump’s pick for the Department of Health and Human Services Secretary, I vow to seek out every leprechaun in America and deport them with all the brown people. America first, baby. It’s time for the Kennedy revenge tour.”