“I see a lot myself in the character Karl Childers,” said Senator John Fetterman (D-PA), eating unheated soup straight from a can. “We share the same fashion sense, we’ve both buried a baby in the woods, and we both like biscuits with mustard. MmmmHmmm.”
When asked how his Broadway debut will impact his current work as a politician, Fetterman threw the empty soup can at a squirrel and explained, “I just won’t have time to be a senator. I’m not resigning or anything–I need the money and medical benefits–but I just won’t do anything. In fact, I’ve totally ghosted 18 roll-call votes this year already. No one cares. Everyone knows America is over. MmmHmmm.”
