“At lunch time every Tuesday our crunchy tacos and soft tacos will cost $328.41,” said Sean Tresvant, Chief Executive Officer of Taco Bell. “But by dinner time that cost will chicken out, and they’ll cost around $1.79, their regular price.”
Taco Bell, a division of parent company Yum!, has long been an innovative marketing force in the fast food industry. But this marks the first time Taco Bell has sought to capitalize on Trump’s economic incompetence. “Trump’s brand is all about gaslighting Americans and the world, and what better way to celebrate our dying democracy than to mirror our nation’s idiotic economic policies.”
The pilot program, which launched in select locations in Alabama and Florida last Tuesday, was an unprecedented success. What initially began as a marketing stunt turned into a lucrative campaign as Trump supporters lined up outside of Taco Bells, holding their credit cards, proud to pay inflated prices to demonstrate their support for President Trump.
“I had to fake my identity to get another Mastercard so I could get crunchy tacos for $328.41 as soon as the store opened,” said Piper Ratliff an un-flourinated water barista in Huntsville, Alabama (who has no connection to and has never seen The White Lotus). “I know the tacos would have been cheaper in an hour or two, but that would be unpatriotic of me. It’s my duty as a MAGA American to give the President all of my money, even if I don’t have any.”
“I wish I could remember my Bitcoin password,” said Henry Evans, a professional alligator wrestler outside of Jupiter, Florida, “because I know crypto is the best way to send money to President Trump. But I used that post-it note with my password on it as toilet paper. So I had to sell my bastard son’s homemade guitar on eBay. But by 2pm the soft tacos were already falling to $49.72 per taco, so I bought two and gave Trump nearly $100. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!”
“I don’t think any of these MAGA idiots know TACO stands for ‘Trump Always Chickens Out,” explained Tresvant. “But facts and nuance have never been their strong point. And, hey, we’re driving revenue for Yum! as these MAGA Americans go broke. They’re adults. It’s not my problem. I’m just glad we could capitalize on this trend before Chick-fil-A owned the chicken messaging before we could profit from it.”