Trump Voters Excited to Receive Bonus Checks from China Tariffs

“Trump’s tariffs are going to make them Chinese people pay,” said Misty Muffoon, cradling her newborn grandson, a cigarette tucked into the corner of her mouth. “Ain’t no one gonna push America around anymore. My child gonna grow up in a country that has freedom and so many freaking Walmarts full of cheap Chinese products that we can do Christmas for under twenty dollars.”

“We’re going to make America great again,” explained Edwin Edwards, a 48-year old chainsaw mechanic and father of three, maybe four, children. “When I get my China tariff checks I’m going to treat myself to a large pepperoni pizza and pitcher of cold beer at one of those fancy old-school Pizza Huts. Tell the Chinese they can pay for my divorce settlement, too.”

“I’m going to use my Chinese money to take my family to Disney World,” said Melvin Hills, a pool attendant in Florida who lives with his aunt. “Kamala never promised us that. Black people are tired of being lied to by Democrats. They don’t care about black people. When was the last time you heard a democrat say they’d make China pay for our Disney World trips? Trump is making that happen. America first, baby.”