“Vegetables are nasty, especially radishes,” said President-elect Trump, grabbing for a french fry that had fallen into his lap. “So I’m destroying the entire salad industry by deporting the brown people behind green salads. We want an economy where Big Mac are $4 and salads are $75 — that way our healthcare system can charge Americans billions of dollars to treat avoidable illnesses like diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease. You know, fat people sicknesses.”
“Salads are a disgrace,” agreed RFK Jr. “I’m pretty sure my brain worm came from a tainted piece of lettuce harvested by a Mexican in Arizona. These immigrants don’t care about our health. They just want to work for $3 an hour and steal the American dream from Americans who came here legally, like our ancestors, the pilgrims and conquistadors. American will only be free when we can eat fast food that does not have brown people in the supply chain.”