“I was with a prostitute when I got the call,” said Vladimir Putin, petting a dead dog in his lap. “Of course, this was all part of my long-term plan to destroy America. But having Donald finally find the time to make such a decision while nominating so many other of our comrades, well, I’m just glad he finally called.”
“There was never any doubt in my mind that Mr. Putin was going to be my Russian Ambassador,” said Donald Trump, pouring Diet Coke into an office plant. “After all, Putin is the one in charge—not me. I’ve learned so much about being a dictator from Putin. It’s actually an honor for me to call Putin my friend and mentor… and, now, Ambassador!”
“As the U.S. Russian Ambassador,” said Putin, sticking a sharp pencil into the dead dog in his lap, “everyone knows I’ll really be the one in charge. Americans like to think it’s Trump who controls the Republican Party. But, it’s me. It’s always been me.”