Rep. Jim Jordan Launches New Line of Sexy Wrestling Shoes

“Introducing PEDOs!” said Ohio Republican House Representative Jim Jordan. “I created the brand name myself based on, well, the word pedestrians, which has to do with the feet—in this case the feet of young men.”

“This new line of exciting wrestling shoes,” Jordan continued, “will fit any boy from the age eight to eighteen, allowing them to wrestle other young men on the mat, entangling their arms, wrapping their bodies around each other, and gyrating like crazy in a test of their manhood.”