“They need jobs,” explained Ted Cruz, Republican Senator from Texas. “So why not pay them to be political actors in our constant barrage of ‘Biden Border Crisis’ propaganda? It’s a win-win, really. We get great footage that scares white Americans, and these illegal immigrants get paid directly from the GOP dark money accounts—but in cash, of course. Let’s face it, for these brown people, it beats pulling carrots or whatever in the Arizona heat. You know $15 per crossing isn’t bad money. And if they climb the wall, they get extra.”
“Illegal immigration is here to stay, thank god,” Cruz continued. “We could end illegal immigration in a week if ICE went after the employers who actually gave these people jobs. But the Big Agra food industry is owned by Republican millionaires, and they wouldn’t be able to accumulate such incredible profits without paying these desperate people slave wages. But let’s be real—nobody in America wants to pay $23 for a head of lettuce. With my program, these illegals get decent money, and all they have to do is avoid border patrol. I’m basically paying them just to run around.”
