“This role isn’t very different from my last position,” said Father Paul Hill. “As a leader of that devoted conservative community, I became very familiar with the work of the devil and leading brainwashed congregations into total devastation.”
“We couldn’t be more excited to have Father Paul Hill as our House Speaker,” said Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL). “He is a talented communicator who brings a working knowledge of evil and a unique level of GOP-focused expertise after his years of working directly with the Devil—if that’s what that vampire creature is supposed to be. Either way, he’s one of us, and we’re lucky to have him.”
“I enthusiastically endorse Father Paul Hill to be the new Speaker of the House,” said Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). “Paul had dedicated his life to Republican values like religious hypocrisy, personal gain over others, and selling our souls to the Devil in the name of love. We couldn’t be happier.”
