Senator Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) allegedly murdered an 8-month-old baby in the parking lot of Chick-fil-A in Montgomery, Alabama. “That damn baby was asking for it,” said the former football coach and sworn enemy of the U.S. military. “This is Trump country, and anyone—even a baby—who disrespects Trump deserves to die.”
“The cause of death was aggravated strangulation,” said Deborah Perry, the Montgomery County Coroner. Witnesses to the murder say Sen. Tuberville grabbed the baby from a stroller being pushed by a 26-year-old mother, and then strangled the baby “like a man fighting a poisonous snake,” according to one witness, before dropping to the ground in exhaustion.
Montgomery Police arrived on the scene within minutes to help the Senator back into his car idling in the Chick-fil-A pick-up line. “He got his lunch and was on his way in no time,” said Police Sergeant James Cummings. “Senator Tuberville was a total gentleman about the whole situation. We apologized to him on behalf of the mother. In the South, manners are very important.”
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