Kyle Rittenhouse To Go As Murderer Next Halloween
“You know those assholes who go to Halloween costume parties but don’t dress up?” said Kyle Rittenhouse, a teenage vigilante who killed two people to win his mother’s love, “Well,…
Kyrsten Sinema Thanks Jesus Christ For Strength to End Democracy
“I couldn’t have played my part in ending democracy without the help of the Lord Jesus Christ, our Holy Savior,” said Arizona Senator Krysten Sinema—who, as an Independent, is totally…
BREAKING: House Republican George Santos Was Born In Kenya
Political Americans senior investigative reporter, Jeff Murdoch, has discovered that George Santos, the newly elected GOP Congressman from New York, was born in Nakuru, Kenya, and has 13 siblings—according to…
McCarthy: Republicans to Ban Alcohol at State of the Union
“It was like being at an Eagles game,” said former House Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA). “Our representatives need to learn there is a difference between having a good time undermining…
McConnell Proposes National Holiday Celebrating “End of Democracy”
“This is a great day in our nation’s history,” explained Mitch McConnell, the Republican Senate Minority Leader from Kentucky. “We have managed to completely undermine the democratic process, voting procedures,…
Youngkin: White Parents Should Decide Speed Limits in Virginia
“Speed limits are freedom limits,” said Republican Governor of Virginia Glenn Youngkin. “Speed limits are big government telling us how to live our lives by limiting how fast we can…
Resurrected Pope Blesses George Bush Mural of Innocent Victims Killed in Iraq
“Mission almost accomplished,” joked the former President of the United States, adding the last few strokes to his 500-foot wall mural in Bushwick, Brooklyn. “Done,” he then exhaled, tossing the…